Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
