i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
