Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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