you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
