True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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