Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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