The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
