Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
