i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
