I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
