Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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