there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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