Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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