i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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