end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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