He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
