That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
did you just send me my own nude
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
