my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
