So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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