I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
