i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
