Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
