JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
