Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
