Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
