Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
