I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
