It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
