So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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