If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
