you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
