3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
