He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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