I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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