Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
