I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
