I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
