pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
