If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
