We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
