KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
