I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
