Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
