I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There r osticjed everywhere
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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