people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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