He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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