Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
