So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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