Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
