As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
