Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
