I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
