well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the day after is always just damage control
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
