My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
