i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
