I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
