My first STD was from a foam party
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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