I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize