will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
