I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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