my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
